Tales of a long lost past
by MissSkullcandy
Summary: This story I am about to tell you is nothing like you have ever heard before. It is my story, one of happiness and dreams and at the same time one of despair and grief. Let me tell you now this story does not have a happy ending... AU, slight Ulquihime
1. Prologue

**Hello, dear reader. I have been working on this for over a year now and I am so happy to finally post it, well at least one part of it. I still don't know how to end this story but I guess we'll see when it progresses further.^^ **

**I don't own Bleach**

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**Prologue**

It was a dark and chilly winter night, no stars could be seen through the thick wall of clouds. Inside a little room of a big white building, sat the very exhausted form of Orihime Inoue. It was half an hour before midnight and it had been a stressful night for her so far. She rubbed her tired and burning eyes before returning to the papers in front of her, but the letters on the paper all turned into a blur of black on white with her tiredness. Not being able to concentrate on anything but the wish to get a bit of sleep she decided she would get some coffee. Pushing her tired limbs out of her uncomfortable chair the young woman walked out into the empty halls of the now quiet hospital. As she made her way to the vending machine the auburn haired doctor mused about how different night and day were in this place. By day there were all kind of people hurrying through the halls, rushing from one room to the next, patients waiting in front of examination rooms, for their doctors to spare them some time, everywhere was the sound of people talking, wheels of various vehicles screeching and the constant peeping of machines. By night this hospital was a whole different place, the halls were poorly lit with lurid artificial lights, the peeping of the machines seemed much louder, while constantly playing in the background, the only people seen were other doctors, nurses or other personnel working night shifts. Orihime hated night shifts.

Of course she loved being a doctor and she knew this was a part of the job, but she still couldn't help herself. Maybe she would get accustomed to these long nights once she was here longer and more experienced, at least she hoped so. But long nights and little sleep was a price worth paying for Orihime in order to help people, it was something she had always wanted to do.

The young doctor now stood before the coffee vendor waiting for the hot liquid to flow into the cup. While waiting she tapped her fingers against the machine in tune to the melody she was humming. As she finally took her cup and sipped her drink she could feel the warm coffee flow down her throat sending new energy through her body.

Refreshed she made her way to the nurses reception desk to ask if anything new had happened or if there was anything she could do, leaving her paperwork for later.

"Ah, hello Sayu-san," Orihime greeted the elderly woman behind the desk with one of her bright smiles, "do you have any news for me?"

"Dr. Inoue," the nurse returned a gentle smile, "half an hour ago there were some new patients admitted. I don't know too much myself, I heard one was hit by a car another was admitted for alcohol poisoning and the third one who was brought here lies in a coma. I'm not sure but they say he jumped off a building. Though you can go ask Dr. Unohana for more information she is in the intensive care station right now."

"Sure, I'll be off then. See you later."

"See you," waving her hand shortly in goodbye she left the nurse behind, making her way to the intensive care station.

It didn't take long to find Dr. Unohana in the empty hospital. She was in one of the employee rooms, deeply concentrating on the files before her.

"Unohana-sama, I heard we have new patients. Is there anything I can do?" Orihime now stood next to her superior and mentor.

"Hello Inoue-san, yes there are three new patients. Though they are mostly taken care of I still need someone to supervise the coma patient. It would be great if you could handle this," with her gentle but authoritative smile the older doctor gave her the patients file.

Orihime knew what this meant, one boring night spent beside a patients bed, checking the computers from time to time and nothing else to do. She wasn't too eager for this task but she didn't dare say anything, not because she was still new but because of the scary smile Unohana was giving her. Nobody dared to disobey this woman.

"Yes Unohana-sama," taking the files, the assistant doctor left the room.

It wasn't that she didn't want to take care of this patient, it was just that taking care of this patient was about as much fun as doing her paperwork. So she decided to kill two birds with one stone and do her paperwork while watching this coma patient.

After collecting her paperwork Orihime walked down the long halls of the intensive care station to the room 216, it was the room she would have to spend the rest of the night in, and she wouldn't even have somebody to talk to. Though she also pitied the man lying in coma, she knew how hard it was to predict the outcome of coma patients.

The young doctor now stood in front of a heavy white door, a plate with the number 216 showed her that this was the right room, and although she knew nobody would answer she still knocked gently before opening it.

She was greeted by a dark and silent room, only the peeping of the monitors signalled the presence of somebody else, the only source of light coming from the various machines set up around the patient.

"Let's see, Ulquiorra Chifer, it's nice to meet you," she knew he couldn't hear her, but she still greeted him like every other patient with a bright and charming smile. The smile however was soon replaced by a look of sadness. She had read his files on her way here and she couldn't believe someone as young as him would try to take his life. The man before her was barely two years older than her and to see someone waste away his life in such a manner filled her with grief and a little anger. Her attitude was to cherish life, every aspect of it, because it was short enough as it was. This she painfully had to learn when her brother died.

Shaking her head she seated herself on a chair by the patient's bed and turned on a little light next to her. The young doctor watched the man in front of her with a serious expression, he was in a critical situation, with several broken ribs, one of them pressing against his lung, so he couldn't breath on his own, his left arm broken and a serious head injury it was still too early to tell if he would make it through the night. The only glimmer of hope to them was that he had no internal bleeding and his organs still functioned so far.

Sighing she stood up and leaned over the comatose man and studied his face, and even though half of his head was covered in bandages she could still see that he was a handsome man. His black hair lay flat against his pale face, shining in the dim light of the room. Dark lashes covered his eyes and Orihime wondered what colour was hidden behind those shut lids, she hoped she could find out one day. Tilting her head she allowed herself one last glance at Ulquiorra Chifer's features, before standing up to check the different devices, attached to his body. From what she could see nothing had changed by now, this meant he still had a 50-50 % chance of surviving.

Orihime hated to see her patients die, everybody told her she got attached too easily, but she couldn't help but get depressed after she lost a patient, especially if they were still in the prime of their life.

She once again took her seat next to Ulquiorra's bed and opened the rest of her paperwork. As she was about to begin she felt something underneath her files, it felt like some sort of book. Lifting the paper she found a black notebook, judging from it's look it was old and used very often. There was no name on the notebook indicating to whom it might belong and looking around herself she also couldn't see anybody who might have left it there. She stared down at the notebook wondering what she should do with it, to look inside would definitely go against the privacy of the person it belonged to but she had to find out who that owner was. She decided to look into the first page, maybe a name was written there. Carefully, as if the book could fall to pieces at any time, she opened the lid. Written there in the left bottom corner stood in tidy handwriting: "_Property of Ulquiorra Chifer_".

With a gasp she looked up at the man in front of her, as if fearing she was caught red handed. When she saw his eyes were still closed she took a deep breath of relief. Her hands were clutched by her chest, still holding on tightly to the book, she could feel her heart beat erratically. Taking another breath she relaxed her stiff posture and stared at the object in her hands debating heavily what to do with it, should she read it and violate her own patients privacy or should she lay it back down. What to do, what to do?

Her confused and guilty eyes wandered around the room, as if an answer was hidden somewhere in there. After several moments of pondering temptation got the better of the curious red head. She once again opened the notebook gently and moved one finger across the yellowed fist page. What would lie behind these pages, maybe just boring dates of an overflowing schedule or maybe poems or a diary, telling her what kind of person _Ulquiorra Chifer_ was.

She let her eyes fly over the first few lines of his neat handwriting, but her eyes got slower with every word she read until they finally stopped, wide in horror. Stormy grey eyes slowly lifted to look at the man in the bed before them, setting in an intense stare. She couldn't believe what was written there before her. She scanned the text before her again, reading word for word, letting them sink into her incredulous mind.

"_This story I am about to tell you is nothing like you have ever heard before. It is my story, one of happiness and dreams and at the same time one of despair and grief. Let me tell you now this story does not have a happy ending because this is not just a simple story but this is life in its rawest and most brutal forms. You might not imagine that a short life as mine was could be so full of misery but be assured it can. ..._

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**I hope you enjoyed the beginning to my story and want to read more. I would be really happy if you tell me what you think in a review. **_  
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	2. Chapter 1

**Hello my dears, so this is the actual first chapter. I hope you like it^^**

**I think I forgott to say, I don't own Bleach, well I don't**

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**Chapter 1**

The small room was silent except for the machines attached to Ulquiorra's body and the quiet breathing of he two people in he room. Orihime took deep and hard breaths, she couldn't believe what she was reading. What seemed written so casually actually portrayed the dark and depressed mind of her patient, of the man lying in front of her. She didn't know if she should dare to read on, but her interest was already picked and with trembling fingers she rose the book out of her lap in front of her eyes, to read more of it's sad content. Her eyes once again wandered across the yellowed pages and the slightly faded black ink, scanning every word they fell upon.

"This story I am about to tell you is nothing like you have ever heard before. It is my story, one of happiness and dreams and at the same time one of despair and grief. Let me tell you now this story does not have a happy ending because this is not just a simple story but this is life in its rawest and most brutal forms. You might not imagine that a short life as mine was could be so full of misery but be assured it can.

I was a lively young boy who loved playing outside in the sun, though there wasn't much a kid could do in such a big city. I used to play with my friends and enjoy my time. We lived in the poorest districts of town, though I never minded because I was a happy kid and I thought life would always be this carefree.

The house we lived in was old and run down; the paint on the walls was slowly peeling away, the layer of grey dust covering everything made the houses appear older than they were. Our apartment was small but it was enough for the two of us. Apart from the lack of space we also had to deal with very cold winters and lack of a heating. As I said the houses were run down and in a miserable condition. But nobody cared for the people living in these districts, and the people living here already learned that complaining was useless, plus the men were either gone or constantly drunk to forget their misery. When I saw these disgusting men I was glad I didn't know my own father, I expected him to be another one of these disgusting creatures, who couldn't care less about their families and the misery and suffer they inflicted upon them. They had no respect for themselves and certainly none for others. I would often see my friends with bruised arms or a bleeding lip but it was an unspoken law not to ask what happened, so we could forget the pain while playing our games, when we would enter our own worlds and leave this mess behind us, just to return to this damned place once again when the day ended. During daytime we kids would go into the city and look for small jobs we could do; we would clean shoes or wash cars, whatever brought some money. With the money we earned we bought sweets or little toys, it was the only luxury we could afford. Sometimes the people would be generous and give us a little bit extra but other times they would look at us, eyes filled with disgust and shoo us away, while calling us dirty bastards. At that time I didn't care much about that. I would shrug off the bad feelings and continue my carefree way of life. Because I knew there was someone who was there for me and she would always be the sunshine in my life to make me happy, my shoulder to cry on when I felt down, my mother.

I remember her as the brightest and most beautiful vision in my young life. She would take me into her warm arms, comforting and assuring. She was a constant in my life and I never would have dreamt of a life without her. But that was my naiveté.

She was the most beautiful woman I could ever imagine, a goddess in my eyes. Her long black silky hair complimented her fair porcelain-like skin making her deep jade eyes shine like gems. Every time I looked into her eyes I had the overwhelming feeling as if I could see right through to her soul that held so much strength and wisdom. She was a petite woman, and many underestimated her fierce and determined nature judging her by her appearance. They said I looked a lot like her, especially my eyes, which held a certain mysterious charisma.

I also remember that she always wanted the best for me, a better education, a better future and most of all a better life. She made me read books and study hard so I could one day brake free from this living hell.

But out of all these memories the sweetest and most painful were those of her unconditional and endless love for me.

"Mummy", I ran into the warm embrace of my mother. She would always wait at the staircase of the little apartment building we lived in.

"Ulquiorra!"

I was happy to see my mother because she would usually work all day.

"Come on let's get you something to eat", with that she took me into her arms and as always she had a bright smile on her lips that brightened up my world.

It were moments like these, the everyday life, which I kept in my memories, so full of peace and happiness.

I never had a father; he left my mother before I was even born. I never missed him and I never wanted to get to know him, in my eyes he was trash, just like all the other men around here. I was happy with only the two of us.

But my happiness should come to a sudden end.

The neighbourhood we lived in was filled with criminals, trash roaming the streets, picking a fight with everybody who looked at them in the wrong way. Only to prove who was stronger. Murder and death was common in this area of town, and nobody cared. The police had long ago given up all efforts to bring peace into this chaos, letting the yakuza clans rule the streets.

If one wanted to stay safe you had to either take up the constant fight and prove yourself to gain respect, or you could ask the clans for support, of course their help wasn't for free.

They exploited defenceless women who lived alone, taking what little money they had left. What other chance had they than to give in to the orders, or else they would be exposed to robbery, rape and murder, often even by those who offered their help and protect. Those people were greedy and would unscrupulously take other peoples' lives.

I remember the day as if it were yesterday. It was much too bright for such a dark day.

I don't know why but I had to go into our apartment and do something; I don't even remember what it was. For the sight offering me when I entered the room made my mind go blank.

As I entered the room the first thing I saw was a man hovering over my mother. He was tall, very muscular and bulky. He didn't have much hair but a fat double chinned face, which let him seem even gruffer. His expression was filled with aggression and hatred; you could clearly see that this man didn't have a soft spot in his heart.

I couldn't clearly see my mother because she was lying on the floor. Nobody seemed to have noticed my entrance because they were still quarrelling and screaming.

"You fucking slut!" I saw the man kicking my mother in the sides. "Where is the money? I am not going to ask you again."

The stranger grabbed my mother by her collar and lifted her up. Now I could see her face and what I saw drained every drop of blood out of my head. I felt nauseated.

My mother was covered in her own blood, her left eye was swollen, her nose was bleeding and she had several cuts across her face. Although I knew she was in pain she still held her face straight and didn't give them the pleasure of showing her fear. Her eyes held nothing but hatred for these men; I hadn't seen her like this in all my life, and it scared me.

A gasp escaped my lips and I instantaneously covered my mouth with my hands. But it was too late. They had already discovered me.

"Oh my, is that your little boy?" the voice came from the other end of the room. There was a man dressed in a suit, who I haven't noticed until now. He wasn't as big or as muscular as the first man but he had an even more menacing air around him. I couldn't stand to look him in the eyes so I sought my mother for comfort like I always did. But this time all I saw was the brutality of these men and my fear rose into the immeasurable. Tears came trickling down my face, I always was one to cry quickly.

"Don't cry my boy", the man with the suit came walking towards me and all I could do was stand there frozen form shock and fear, he lay his filthy hand on my shoulder, acting as if he wanted to comfort me. I remember his hand laying heavy on my small body, leaving a disgustingly tingling sensation running though every cell of my body.

"Hey, what does the boy want here? Didn't your momma tell you not to interfere in adults' business? Well you little cunt, can't even raise your own child?" the rough man yelled in a barking yet arrogant matter while striking my mother across the face.

"Please, please don't hurt my boy. Please don't", my mother whimpered her pleas and soon they became a chant of struggled sobs, a mixture of tears and blood running down my mother's cheeks.

"So what is your name my little one?" once again the menacing man was addressing me in his steady calm way.

"Please leave him," my mother was silenced by another violent stroke across her face, which made her cry out in pain. The sound pierced through my body and burned itself into my brain.

"Shut up! You only speak when spoken to," the aggressive man had no mercy with my shaking and crying mother.

I couldn't take it. I knew I had to be strong for my mother, I couldn't just stand there like a little coward. Oh that childish naiveté.

"Leave her", my attempt to be brave was reduced by my shacking voice.

"Ulquiorra," the faint whisper escaped my mothers lips.

"Well Ulquiorra, why don't you go back outside to play with your friends? You can see we have adult business to take care of with your dear mama", he talked in a calm nature and some kind of sick amusement in his voice.

"Mum?" I looked up to my mother for assurance but she couldn't stop crying and pleading for the men to let me go.

"Leave boy, and we won't hurt you", a devilish grin was spread across the features of the man holding my mother.

"GO! I'll do anything but please let him leave", I heard the struggle in her hoarse voice and I knew that every word she spoke hurt her.

"SHUT UP I SAY!" the brute man finally lost it.

What happened next, I only remember in a blur.

I remember my mother being beaten by the violent man over and over again, the other one holding me by my shoulders as I watched, frozen to the spot, as my mother was beaten to death. As she finally didn't move any more he let her go and she lay on the floor, lifeless. I sat by her side for what seemed like hours. I didn't notice when the two men left and I also didn't notice the arrivals of the neighbours or the commotion going on around me. It was all a mix of faces, colours and sounds around me. But I was trapped in my own world of misery.

As I sat there two final silent tears slid down my cheeks."

Orihime sat silently in her chair, frozen in a state of shock. She had read the text intently, engulfed completely in every word she read. She sat there for a long time letting everything sink in she jut read, but still not able to quite grasp the things she just learned.

As she sat there she could feel her tears burning in her eyes and tickling her hot cheeks, with a gulp she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She wiped the wet trails from her face and took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. If anybody came in right now, so she thought, would see this ridiculous sight, a grown up woman - a doctor non the less- crying next to a man she didn't even know. She looked down at Ulquiorra with a sad smile, she lifted her hand and lightly brushed the hair falling into his face behind his ear.

"I am so sorry," he wouldn't hear her, but she just felt like saying something comforting, even if it was just for herself.

She didn't know what else would come in the sad story that was Ulquiorra Chifer's life, but taking a deep breath she tried to brace herself before reading on.

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**Hope you enjoyd, review and let me know what you think ^^**


	3. Chapter 2

**Here is another chapter for you. I apologize for any OOCness.**

**I don't own Bleach.**

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**Chapter 2**

"Do you know what it feels like to have your very heart ripped out of your chest?

This was it to me. To see my mother lying there on the floor in front of me, the life faded out of her eyes. That day something within me died along with her.

I can't tell what it was but maybe it was that thing people refer to as a heart. I really don't know. But I know that all my dreams and hopes died that day.

My character turned cold and indifferent to the world surrounding me. My heart turned to stone and my eyes lost all of its former charm, equalling the cold emerald gem now not only in colour but also in its lifelessness.

For some time I actually foolishly believed that life would go on and I would once again find happiness.

After I saw my mother brutally murdered I spent many time grieving over my loss, the only person in my life that actually cared about me. I cried many nights until sleep dragged me into its dark abyss, torturing me with nightmares until I woke up screaming and sweating and always alone.

I didn't have any relatives left I could go to so I was sent to an orphanage. It was living hell on earth and worse. I remember the first day I set foot into the dirty halls of the Hueco Mundo orphanage.

I was a boy of seven years, my mother's funeral was only two days ago. Until then I had stayed with neighbours but they couldn't afford to keep another child with them permanently. Another child meant another mouth to feed, another body to wash and cloth. Where I come from everybody had to see how to make it for themselves, charity was a luxury nobody could afford.

The orphanage was in another part of the town, it was still a mess but not as bad as my former home.

As I entered through the dark and heavy doors of the large grey house the first thing I noticed was the distinct smell of piss invading my nostrils. Not that I wasn't used to it but it still wasn't pleasant to smell. It was a dark and dirty place, the narrow corridors had many doors left and right. Leading to other childrens' rooms I assumed. I didn't know how things worked in here, but they made sure I would soon learn.

In there nobody cared about me, whether I lived or died was my problem and mine alone.

After one of the caretakers, a large thin man with silver hair, welcomed me at the front door he took me to the director's office. The silver haired man had a frightening aura around him, although he always smiled his eyes were cold and whispering unspoken threats. His presence intimidated me and it was a relief to be finally alone in the director's office.

It was a big room with shelves and cupboards leaning on the walls and in the middle stood a huge dark wooden desk with all sorts of papers on top of it. Behind the desk was a window that let some of the daylight illuminate the otherwise dark room.

After waiting for a while I heard the door click behind me and the man who entered was a tall brunette man with glasses. For the first time I thought I had actually met a nice person, after my mother. How wrong I was.

"Hello my dear son. I am Mr. Aizen, take a seat. Have you been waiting a long time?" his smile was the perfect mask for the perverted mind hidden behind it.

"No sir," I never was one to talk a lot, but after my mother died it was reduced to the most necessary.

"Good. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope we can help you in overcoming your grieve," he sounded sincere and at that moment of time I actually believed him.

"Well, Ulquiorra Chifer, here in Hueco Mundo our kids share bedrooms with three others, meaning you will be in a room of four people. We already picked a room for you and we hope you will get along with your room mates. They are all very nice boys, eager to meet you. They are all about your age.

"The children here also have to go to the public school that is in this area. Your schoolbooks will be provided by us, they are second hand, from the older children. As for our rules, breakfast is at seven in the morning, lunch will be provided in school during weekdays and on weekends it will be at 12 o' clock, dinner will be at 6 o' clock in the evening, and breakfast is at 7 o' clock in the morning, make sure you wake up early. As you are under thirteen years of age your bedtime will be at 9 o' clock nights.

"I guess you already met Mr. Ichimaru he is one of the head caretakers here, the other one will be Mr. Tousen. I think you will meet him shortly.

"That is all I have to tell you, do you have any questions for me?" he had a trustworthy paternal air about him that eased my worries and I felt more comfortable in his presence than in Ichimaru's.

"No sir."

"Well then let me show you to your room," with that he got up from behind his desk and led me outside.

The orphanage was a compound of three different buildings surrounding a cobbled yard. The one I just exited was the middle part, it was as high as the others but not as long. I learned that the west wing was for the children from the age from five to twelve and the east wing was for the children from thirteen to eighteen, once you turned eighteen you had to leave the orphanage. The middle part, the north wing, was reserved for infants and administration.

The yard looked as broken down as the buildings themselves. The cobbled stone was broken and there were a lot of holes in the ground, all was grey or dark brown. A place befitting for myself.

We walked across the yard, where I first saw some of the other children, as we passed them by they looked at me curiously, inspecting me with their penetrating gazes. When we entered the west wing we walked to a room on the first floor, all the while Mr. Aizen told me about my room mates. There was a boy my age named Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, a boy one year younger than me named Szayel Aporro Granz and his brother who was a year older than me who was called Yylfordt Granz.

We stopped in front of one of the many wooden doors, the number 108 engraved in the middle of it.

"Welcome to your new home," Aizen said while opening the door. It was a small room with two bunk beds left and right, a little table, a closet and a dirty sink. It was by far no comfortable room. My room mates weren't present at the moment, which I was quite glad for. Although I wanted to meet them I also wanted to get used to my new surroundings, this new situation altogether, on my own. I walked into the room not even noticing that Mr. Aizen had left. Sitting down on the only vacant bed, the bottom bed on the left side, I scanned my new home my eyes landing on the small window next to me. You could see the yard and the children, some leafless trees and the grey sky, it was a melancholic view.

I don't know how long I sat there, absorbed in my own thoughts, but the opening of the door brought me back to reality.

"Shut up and no," an annoyed boy with light blue hair stepped in the room, screaming at someone behind him. He didn't seem to notice me.

"But why not it's only...," the voice was interrupted by the first boy.

"I said shut up. Yylfordt please shut him up," a slap was heard and someone moaning in pain.

As the little quarrel ended there were three boys standing at the entrance of the room. The boy with the blue hair now stood with his back facing towards me with him was a taller boy with longer blonde hair and a smaller boy with chin-length pink hair.

"Oh, look the new one is here," the youngest of them finally acknowledged my presence.

I stood up from my current position on the bed now facing my three room mates.

"Hm," the blue haired boy turned around studying me with an arrogant look.

"Hey, I am Grimmjow and these are Szayel and Yylfordt," he pointed with his thumb behind himself, introducing the group.

"Hello I'm Ulquiorra," I could clearly see that Grimmjow was the leader of this little group. An awkward silence followed the introductions because neither of us knew what to say.

"Ulquiorra, how do you like the orphanage?," Szayel was the first one to break the silence.

"I don't know."

"How old are you," the young boy seemed enthusiastic to get to know me.

"I am seven. How old are you?"

"I'm six, my brother is already eight, and Grimmjow is also seven. That means you'll be in the same class," he rambled on about the school, chatting animatedly while I only stood beside him, barely acknowledging him, until he said something out of the blue.

"I'm sorry," I was startled by his sudden apology.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because you lost your Mum and Dad."

"Ah, yes. My mum," I didn't know what to say, so I only nodded. Of course I was sad about my loss but I never expected any pity. I wasn't really in the mood to answer unnecessary and pointless questions so I just stared at the ground. The little boy before me however didn't seem to catch on to my mood and cheerily went on talking, I looked around me to the other boys but they were already otherwise engaged, leaving me alone with the hyper pink haired boy.

"Me and Yylfordt have been here for two years now," we sat down on one of the beds, him talking and me listening absent mindedly and nodding every once in a while. I couldn't remember what he talked about, he had said too much and I had listened too less, I could recall vaguely that he talked about his former home and his parents, I think he said they were taken away from home because their mother committed suicide and their father was in jail. I was still too occupied with my own thoughts to pay attention to him.

Our one-sided conversation however ended when a ringing noise came over a intercom I hadn't noticed yet. The other boys, knowing what it meant immediately got up and ready to go. As Szayel noticed my hesitation he bent over to me and told me, that this was the sign it was time to eat, he also told me that, if we didn't come right on time we wouldn't get anything. My displeasure towards this place grew by every minute I stayed in here."

Orihime once again lay the book on her lap to take a little brake. She shook her head slowly, she didn't want to believe that there were children, who had to deal with such a hard life. Although her parents also were alcoholics and violent people she never had to endure such hardships, she always had had her brother, who took care of her and raised her in her parents stead. It was also her brother who took her out of their family home to start a new family, just the two of them. As she thought about her past and how dear Sora was to her she wondered if there wasn't anybody like that in Ulquiorra's life. She wouldn't believe that there was no one he held dear in his life.

Sitting there in the uncomfortable chair in the poorly lit room the young doctor wondered what reason Ulquiorra had that he decided to end his life, could it really have been this terrible. From what she knew now he didn't have what you call a blessed childhood, but that couldn't be the reason. What else did happen in this man's life? The only way she could find that out was to read on, but she dreaded what she would find. If it was the reason for someone to take his life it sure wouldn't be good, what lay there hidden behind those pages. Sitting up straight she took the little black notebook into her hands, and rubbing her eyes a last time, she once again dove into the dark past of Ulquiorra Chifer.

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**I hope you enjoyed, review to let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello my dear readers, I know it has been a long time since I have updated last and I hope you can forgive me.**

**Well, without forther ado I present you a new chapter.**

**Enjoy.**

**And I wish all of you a happy new year ^^  
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**Chapter 3**

"The taste of my first meal at the orphanage is something I will never forget, the disgusting slimy consistency and the foul taste of vomit as the mush slowly slid down my throat. I sat there on one of the many tables watching my new room mates, how they forced themselves to swallow the gross pulp in front of them, to call it food would be an overstatement. After one bite I only wanted to run out of the room and empty the contents of my stomach into the next toilet, but with one look at the wardens standing nearby, watching us like prisoners, I didn't dare to move one inch so I obediently stayed in my seat and forced the disgusting slime down my throat. My eyes started wandering around the room, taking in the other children around me I noticed the frightened look on their faces, all of their eyes were trained on the food before them, not daring to act out of line. Some were shaking in fear others had a defiant look in their eyes, the will not to give in, not to break under the torture and the pain, written all over their faces. I could feel the pressure weighing down on my shoulders, crushing me with an almost unbearable burden. But it wasn't until some time later that I truly learned what torture really meant.

I was relieved when I was finally back in my room, where I could breath freely without anybody watching my every step.

"Is it always like this?" my voice seemed awkwardly loud with the uncomfortable silence hanging in the room.

"What do you mean?" it was Grimmjow who answered me, the aggressive but defending tone was clear to hear.

"I mean are they always watching us? Is it always like that?" I was truly confused by the ways of this orphanage and the feeling that this wasn't an ordinary place grew stronger inside of me.

"Hm, that was nothing today," it was Yylfordt who spoke up this time, though he didn't look up to meet my eyes.

"Yeah, you remember what they did to Neliel and Nnoitra?" I watched Grimmjow as he pursed his lips in disgust.

"What happened to them?"

"Well, they had a fight in the yard, it was really brutal, and then when the Wardens came it was too late for them to run away," Grimmjow hesitated at that point, not sure if he should tell me the rest of the story.

"You could hear Nell scream over the whole yard, I didn't see what they did, but it must have been bad. After that they were brought to the hole."

"What's the hole?" this place grew more and more mysterious to me.

"It's a place you never want to go to," the dread in Grimmjow's voice actually scared me, if even someone who seemed as strong as him feared that place then it couldn't be anything good.

"There is this place in the basement of the Orphanage, whenever you act out of line you are sent there. It's like a prison. Sometimes you have to stay there for one night but other times you have to stay there for a week or even longer," as Yylfordt explained the ways of punishment of the orphanage to me his voice grew ice cold and his eyes looked to the ground, torture written all over his face. I assumed that all of them had to go to the hole at one point and that the memories weren't something they liked to remember.

I didn't ask what had happened to them, the look in their eyes told me that it haunted them at night just like my nightmares haunted me. I could hardly sleep that night. I dreamt of cold and dark rooms covered with blood, men who chased me and wanted to murder me, and then I dreamt of the thing that didn't let go of my mind in the last weeks- the face of my mother. In my dream she was lying on the ground of the cold cellar, covered in her own blood, her face beat up until she was barely recognizable always repeating my name like a prayer in her hoarse and pained voice. When I awoke, bathed in my own cold sweat the sky was slowly brightening up, the dark clouds gave way to the light blue morning sky. The start of my second day at the orphanage.

After breakfast I silently followed the other students to my new school. The building was just as run down as the orphanage and the rest of the houses in this area, the once yellow paint came off the walls and there were cracks in the walls and the yard in front of the school, the gates, or what was left of them, were rusted and broken down, hanging uselessly on the two pillars which were supposed to hold them up. One wouldn't suspect that there were children who had to go into this pile of trash every day, and to think they actually were supposed to learn something there was insane. Everything here indicated that society had given up hope on us, we were the lowest of the low, nobody cared for us and that was made clear to us in every single way.

I followed Grimmjow to our classroom, we were in one class, a little, cold and mouldy room equipped with hard wooden chairs and small desks, which were scribbled on and seemed to break under the smallest of pressure. Taking a seat in the front next to the window I inspected the table in front of me, scratched into the wood were several obscenities and other vulgar sketches. Then I heard the door clicking and in came an elderly woman, looking like she was just out of bed and had a bottle of whisky for breakfast. Not even looking at the class she started her lesson in a boring monologue which, how I noticed very quickly, nobody paid attention to. Looking back now I can't even remember her name.

Looking over my shoulder I also noticed that most of the children were from the orphanage, I had either seen them yesterday at dinner or this morning during breakfast, the other children I assumed were from this neighbourhood.

The time seemed to fly by and not even once was I asked to introduce myself, I wasn't even paid attention to, even though I was a new transfer student in the middle of the year. I wasn't bothered, actually I was quite pleased, it was never my wish to stand in the centre of attention. It didn't take long until the first break arrived, I welcomed the liberating ringing of the bell that released us from monotone ramblings nobody paid attention to anyway. Once out in the yard I studied my surroundings and the other students. My eyes wandered over little groups of students standing in circles, talking and playing, forgetting the cold world around them as long as they could, then there were some standing alone, minding their own business, trying not to provoke the rougher students. Then my eyes landed on a interesting scene, there was one big boy standing in front of five boys, all of them at least one head smaller than him. Although I didn't hear what was spoken over there I knew perfectly well what was going on, and then when the big boy grabbed the boy in front of him by the collar, shaking and threatening him, I was certain that this was something I should keep out of. I didn't really have a great sense of justice, so I didn't care what happened to those weaklings, as long I could live on peacefully. I must have watched longer than usual, because all of a sudden the big boy was talking to me.

"Hey, what are you staring at? Got a problem with me, huh?"

"Are you talking to me?" my bored eyes looked up to look him straight in the face, I wasn't scared of him, despite the scene just witnessed. I knew how to protect myself, even against bullies like him.

"You bastard..." was his only response as he came nearer to me, getting ready to beat me up. I didn't flinch or run away although I noticed how much bigger and probably stronger he was than me, but fortunately for me he was as stupid as he was strong. I quickly side stepped his punch and told him: "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"What? Think you are stronger than me you little piece of shit?" he bared his teeth like a wild animal.

"There are teachers coming," I didn't want to get into a fight here.

"Where?" he distractedly looked around himself in every direction and I used this distraction to walk away, and made my way back to the classrooms, for the bell had just rung.

"Hey, this isn't over Kid," I heard him scream behind me but I didn't care to look around and watch him make a fool of himself.

Back in the classroom Grimmjow came up to me with an amused smirk on his face.  
"What did you do to get Yammi so angry?"

"Who is Yammi?"

"The guy you nearly got beat up by," his lips once again parted in a half amused half gloating smile.

"I wasn't 'nearly beat up' by him," my annoyance must have been shown more clearly than I wanted, because his smirk grew even brighter.

"Whatever you say," with a wave of his hand he walked back to his own seat.

When he was gone I looked out of the window and once again engulfed myself in my own thoughts.

The second half of the school day went by excruciatingly slow. It was always the same procedure, a teacher would come in and teach their lessons regardless if there was anybody listening or not, those who actually wanted to teach us were ignored all the more. It was clear to me that all of them were incapable fools.

The days passed without anything notable happening until one week later. I had gotten used to the most things in the orphanage and was currently reading in one of the more quiet corners in the adjoined garden behind the run down buildings, though it was more of a dump with thrash lying around everywhere and cars passing by, filling the air with their disgusting and poisonous gas. I tried to tune out my surroundings until a shadow cast over me, looking up I found Yammi, lurking over me like a dog over a piece of meat. I had no intention of further remain in his presence, to stay meant trouble, that much was obvious. I made myself ready to leave but as I got up, or rather attempted to, one of his large hands came down, gripping my shoulder harder than necessary. I glared up at him, though my small and skinny appearance lessened the effect of my intimidation and as a result his lips only curled up in a self complacent grin, mocking me with its look alone.

"Where ya thing ya goin'?"

"Let go of me?" I probably didn't display the amount of anger building up inside of me, for he underestimated me greatly.

Not hesitating any longer he readied himself to hit me, judging from his aim it was directed towards my face, but before he could even scrape my skin I quickly dodged him. My advantage in this match was clearly not my strength but my speed, Yammi was a rather corpulent kid, with a lot of muscle strength, but he had neither the wit nor the brain to use them properly. His attitude was to hit until everybody else lay to his feet, and if that didn't work he'd hit again. He also was rather short tempered, he would go rampant, destroying everything around himself if things didn't work the way he wanted them to. Our fight went on for a little while, me dodging and him punching relentlessly, though at some point I wasn't quick enough and he managed to hit my face, tearing my lip and bruising my chin. I actually thought he had broken my jaw, as I lay there on the floor, but I hadn't had the time to think about that, because there were screaming voices approaching us quickly, and Mr. Tousen soon stood in front of us, demanding what had happened. He was a black and tall man, always wearing sunglasses, never revealing his eyes, making him somewhat unable to read. I knew if I said the right thing Yammi would be severely punished, far more than he deserved. Neither of us said anything, the caretaker eventually lost his patience with us and after hitting us both hard in the face he sent us to our rooms, we were not to come out for the rest of the day, meaning we would miss lunch and dinner. As we walked away I saw Yammi slightly nod his head towards me, as a sign for his gratitude, I acknowledged him and we silently walked to our respective rooms. After that incident Yammi became what you would call a friend of mine, though our bond based on the wish to survive rather than the common fondness shared between friends."

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**I hope you liked it. Review and let me know what you think.**


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